Grace on a Date

You know that feeling when someone wants to be somewhere... but not necessarily with you? When you are in fact, the least interesting part of the scenery? A disposable dinner companion in that the only reason you are sitting where you are sitting is because someone needed to eat and needed to have someone sitting there so it may as well be you? Well, I hope you don't know that feeling. Because I do. And it's not so fun. Particulary when you're on a date. Not that I had huge expectations for romance. But I did curl my hair. I never curl my hair. Okay, so it was only a wave by the time we got to the restaurant, but I had fun being a female for all of a minute. Getting ready. Dressing in a pretty top. And feeling like something slightly special was happening when I was getting picked up. Even if I was just being taken out to dinner.

I could never afford to go to Grace by myself. Or with anyone else for that matter-- if my finances entered into it. So for all intents and purposes, I should feel if not special, than at least lucky to have been taken to such a fine establishment. Unfortunately, food is only one aspect of a date. Conversation, humor, interest, and attraction are all other aspects... that were sadly lacking from my particular date last night. So I didn't feel so lucky. I felt disappointed. And kind of let down. Like I would have rather laughed, felt attracted and attractive to someone else in a dive. Anywhere, really. I would have just liked to feel like the person who I was with wanted to be with me and hear what I had to say. My date could have cared less. He took my being there for granted. Actually, he took alot of things for granted. Like the ability to drive a Boxster he had grown bored with, eat at a restaurant that cost $100 per person, buy ex-girlfriends Jimmy Choos and jewelry, and get paid ridiculous amounts of money to write. We used to know each other very well. We used to have things in common. But either he has become self-involved or I have. Being a have not has made me acutely aware of what it is to have. What it means to have. And what a luxury it is. And anything I do have, I feel grateful for. Yes, even a date. Maybe that's where I went wrong.

Maybe things are just less important to me than they used to be. Status type things and what my status appears to be to other people. And maybe I can't help but look at a dinner that's $100 per person now and think what I could do with $100. But I would think my date knowing where my finances are at and my career is at, he would be a little more aware and try if not to actually come down to my level, than at least be sensitive to it. But, no. He was firmly in his own world. Could care less about mine. My stories. And travels. And what I've done outside of Hollywood. It was kind of confusing. And not particularly Grace-ful. Maybe that was the point. And precisely why I was there. I guess the good part is, if I ever do make that kind of money again, what I do with it and how I treat others is up to me.