Love the Job, Love Myself?

Okay, perhaps not that easy. But it sure makes the road a bit easier. Although Saturday was strange. I went to a great yoga class in Newport Beach... (who knew?) and could afford the things I needed to buy at the store. Even if it only was CVS. And came home to read magazines -- something I love to do and don't do often -- and then felt so happy I felt uncomfortable. It was so unfamiliar to me. So I kind of messed it up a bit or at least tried to. And wasted the rest of my day. And probably frustrated a few people. But then I redeemed myself on Sunday. Cut myself some slack, got some work done and realized that this is all part of it. The uncomfortable happy thing. The regressing into old feelings and habits. The needing to be alone to figure things out. The needing to take care of myself. And not being able to take care of other people right now and needing space from them even if sometimes I don't want it. I've been here before. When I went into therapy when I was like 28. You start questioning people, places and things in your life. What works and what doesn't. I guess the point is to be paying attention. To be present.

Today I got to work in a little over an hour. Which meant I got to work on time. Which didn't used to be such the accomplishment. But now? It is. I finished my book on CD. Also a great start to the day. And was busy the whole day. I got to write another scene and do some searches for footage and brainstorm stories. And felt like I couldn't believe that I was finally working somewhere I wanted to be again. Getting paid to be creative again. Getting treated well. And only having one job. Not two or three. And all of them demeaning. I'm not afraid to open emails now thinking I can't take any more bad news. Or wondering what went wrong. Now I'm kind of stuck on trying to make it right. It's still work-- the fixing myself, but it's a better job than most of the ones I've had over the last few years. It's amazing what a good day, good job and good people can do for a girl.