When Smart People Fail or Just Suck on an Interview.

Okay, after my interview, I was fine. At first. Because I called Julie and talked it over. It was a hard interview. Hard. Hard. Hard. She thought it was fine. She was surprised by the questions. She said they would be hard questions, even for her, and she's at the same level as the guy who interviewed me. So I tried to go to the zen place and say it was good practice and whatever is meant to happen will happen. But I wanted the job. I still want the job. And not having answers does not get you the job. The thing is I could have done better. I should have done better. I should have sold myself better and made connections between what I did on Drew and how that show was run and how those skills readily apply to reality TV. But I was so thrown by the questions I had no answer for that I didn't see what I did have the answers for. I'm out of practice when it comes to interviews. Much like dating.

So what started out as such a happy day full of possibly went south when I went to the Grove, the happiest mall on earth, because I saw my still unfixed blonde orange hair that washes me out and I felt bad about that and how I look and that I'm broke and need a good job and to make money. And that's when I really started to beat myself up about the interview. And began to think that I blew it. Just like I keep blowing it. And that if I don't get it together, then I'm going to be living with my mother forever and be single forever and my eggs are going to be gone. And basically I was telling myself I'm a loser. I'm clearly not being very nice to me. So much for my self help, huh? Well five books in only gets you recognition-- so I know why I'm not being nice to myself. But it doesn't mean I know how to change it. I haven't gotten to that book yet. They were sold out of it at Border's. And that's where I have a coupon. Yes, since living with mom, I'm embracing the coupon wholeheartedly. It's her favorite thing.

I know I'm killing my own self esteem. I also know that it's not helping matters. That I need to boost myself up. I picked up a book on building self esteem and it talks about loving yourself. And I do. When I'm working at a good job, making money, looking good, working out regularly and behaving like the kind of person I want to be. Yep, I give myself conditional love because that's what I was given. And it's a bitch to fix. But I'm going to try. Tonight's book is "When Smart People Fail." See, I think I'm smart. Doesn't mean I always use my smarts. See, there I go again. Is this as much fun for you as it is for me?