What Life Comes Down To.
Today I posted 100 signs looking for Little Will. With Romy's help. They were color copies as you can see. It was supposed to be 39 cents per copy but the girl at Staples made a mistake and charged me the black and white rate. I usually correct people. I usually make sure I pay what I'm supposed to pay. But today I didn't. Today I took it as a gift. I needed a gift. I needed not to come home from my trip and find Little Will missing. To deal with having to move. To be where I'm at. I needed to be someone else. But I'm not. I'm me. And where I'm at is all me. The mistakes. The dreams. The mistakes. I guess it's what my life comes down to...
Another gift came to me today in the guise of three random strangers who responded to my signs. Who offered up what they thought were Will sightings. I swear I've sprinted today more than I have since those stupid presidential fitness tests we had to take when we were in high school. All to no avail. Still. It was thoughtful of those people to call me. It made me love my area. And believe in the good. There were alos the people who stopped and wished me luck. And made me cry. I wore my sunglasses all day.I don't like strangers to see me cry. Dates and friends? That's a whole different story. I think Will is locked up somewhere. In someone's place who went away. I think he's trapped. Because he always comes to me. Always. He hears my voice? He perks up. His tail perks up. It's like being a supermodel in a super crowded bar. Yet one of the many reasons I love cats. Love. You can't beat love. Since I've been back? Since Will has been gone? Skunk is all over me. And she has one of those loud kitty motors that makes noise whenever she's happy. You can be on another block and hear her. It's very comforting. I'm surprised she's not distraught. When Highland died, Will was apoplectic. I think it just feeds my philosophy of life. If you've had it hard, you're always expecting the worst and looking for something better. If you've had it easy, you're comfortable and feel safe and content where you are-- as if it will all work out. Skunk is definitely content. And the only non-rescue cat I've had. It's confusing. Character and personality and trust so often come with hardship. And with that so often comes a will to believe.
I am trying to figure out a way to stay here until Will comes home. To make it all right. I have friends who live in the area. Local friends. But it won't be the same. It's not that I want to be here. I just want to be in the place where life works. The place where I get what I want. I still believe it's New York. I know it's not Orange County. There my mom won't even let me have wireless. Or cable. Or room. She wants things to be as they are. Yeah. Well, good luck with that.
Tomorrow, I'm not celebrating Thanksgiving. I'm going to wait for Will. I'm going to look for him. To pack for my move. I'm going to say goodbye to all the things in my life that helped me and hurt me and hope that over the next three months I can find my muse, I can find my way to New York and maybe even find a man. And while some people may think that seems sad... it's been a long time without one and you know? A relationship is something I'd like to be thankful for.
Another gift came to me today in the guise of three random strangers who responded to my signs. Who offered up what they thought were Will sightings. I swear I've sprinted today more than I have since those stupid presidential fitness tests we had to take when we were in high school. All to no avail. Still. It was thoughtful of those people to call me. It made me love my area. And believe in the good. There were alos the people who stopped and wished me luck. And made me cry. I wore my sunglasses all day.I don't like strangers to see me cry. Dates and friends? That's a whole different story. I think Will is locked up somewhere. In someone's place who went away. I think he's trapped. Because he always comes to me. Always. He hears my voice? He perks up. His tail perks up. It's like being a supermodel in a super crowded bar. Yet one of the many reasons I love cats. Love. You can't beat love. Since I've been back? Since Will has been gone? Skunk is all over me. And she has one of those loud kitty motors that makes noise whenever she's happy. You can be on another block and hear her. It's very comforting. I'm surprised she's not distraught. When Highland died, Will was apoplectic. I think it just feeds my philosophy of life. If you've had it hard, you're always expecting the worst and looking for something better. If you've had it easy, you're comfortable and feel safe and content where you are-- as if it will all work out. Skunk is definitely content. And the only non-rescue cat I've had. It's confusing. Character and personality and trust so often come with hardship. And with that so often comes a will to believe.
I am trying to figure out a way to stay here until Will comes home. To make it all right. I have friends who live in the area. Local friends. But it won't be the same. It's not that I want to be here. I just want to be in the place where life works. The place where I get what I want. I still believe it's New York. I know it's not Orange County. There my mom won't even let me have wireless. Or cable. Or room. She wants things to be as they are. Yeah. Well, good luck with that.
Tomorrow, I'm not celebrating Thanksgiving. I'm going to wait for Will. I'm going to look for him. To pack for my move. I'm going to say goodbye to all the things in my life that helped me and hurt me and hope that over the next three months I can find my muse, I can find my way to New York and maybe even find a man. And while some people may think that seems sad... it's been a long time without one and you know? A relationship is something I'd like to be thankful for.
posted by jodypwrites | 6:14 PM
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