My Furniture is Worth More Than I Am

I have alot of stuff. I think I've mentioned that before. Furniture from my grandparents and things I've acquired on my own. Some of it isn't my style any more. Or at least not how it's currently arranged. But the whole redecorating thing is not really an option right now. Paint is not free. Or storage space. And some of the things I want to keep. Just keep someplace else. My mother lives in a townhouse and has a carport. My sister? Well, even though she has quite a big garage and a big house, they're filled with her own things. And I don't really see her making room for mine. I do need a filing cabinet for all of my stories and paper and things. So yesterday, I went looking just to see what's out there. Because I do like to look and explore-- whether I can have or not. It's inspiring to me. One minute, I'm looking at a filing cabinet and the next, I've redecorated my entire place in my head. There's a lot of cool shit out there. And even though it can't be mine right now, I find it comforting that it even exists. Kind of like love. And marriage.

In my wanderings, I also found out that my desk is now worth nearly $10,000 which is more than both my car and I am currently worth. Which is kind of exciting. But I don't want to sell my desk. I like my desk. I bought it for myself when I got staffed on the show. Like Melanie Griffith said in "Working Girl"-- if you want to be taken seriously, you need serious hair. Well, I'm not about to cut my hair so that's not where this is going. More in the direction of if you want to take yourself seriously as a writer, you need a serious desk. Apparently, my serious desk is quite rare now. It's a vintage stainless steel partner desk with bookcases on the side and gold hardware. That's what this very hardworking guy who owns a steel furniture store told me. I think he's hardworking because he was sweating profusely from delivering furniture and he's been there for over seven years. His place doesn't have air conditioning either. Apparently, there's not a lot of money in selling steel furniture. Or time to worry about air conditioning. I'm going to see about trading one of my stainless steel pieces for a filing cabinet. Although not right now. Because this week I leave for Florida. For work.

For the next month and a half, I'm traveling to pay my bills. Like one of those traveling salesmen back in the day. I'm going to Florida for 10 days. Then Boston for 6, Virginia for 6 and finally, Arizona for 4. I'll be gone for 26 days total. I'm going to miss my cats and my friends and yoga and hiking. I won't miss my furniture. Well, maybe my desk. It will just pay my bills. Clearly, this is not an effective long term strategy. However, it's the only option at present. It is better than the fetal position. Even though I was getting comfortable there. But I must figure something out. Because the idea is to move forward. And to get what I want. Breakdowns while not always fun, sometimes can push you into action. My breakdown was a combination of hormones and life. And seeing someone I care about. Who has everything I want but has it with someone else. I really do wish that The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was an option. It would make things so much easier. Because nothing else I've tried seems to work.

So generic birth control pills? While they do save money, they can also make you have crazy mood swings. Well at least they have to at least some 300 women on this site I went to at 3am in the morning. All of whom were just trying to save money and ended up nearly offing themselves. That's not really something you want to have in common with strangers. The search for suicide methods. Needless to say, I'm switching to a name brand. I guess my teeth and glasses will just have to wait.