The Grind

I went to the dentist today to have my teeth cleaned. I wasn't going to go, but when I was growing up, that was the one thing my mother always made sure she took care of-- God bless her. We had a great dentist, Dr. Landes. He told us we were beautiful and let us pick toys out of the treasure chest. I wasn't getting that at home, toys and the 'you're beautiful' thing--- hence loving the dentist. Who knew it could be that easy to love a dentist, right?

I remember getting made fun of when I was in elementary school because my hair was greasy and my mother wouldn't let me wash my hair myself since she thought I was too young and she was too depressed to wash it for me-- so my hair was greasy-- but I had perfect teeth. I think I was in like 2nd or 3rd grade. There was this girl Staci and she followed me around and taunted and ridiculed me and my dirty hair. Those were back in the dirty clothes/no clothes phases of my life. Back when our clothes got stolen from the laundromat and my mother nearly had a breakdown and called the police-- who thought she was insane. I see now what she wanted, someone to rescue her. Someone to make it alright. Someone to pay for what happened to her life. Since the person who should be paying wouldn't... that would be my dad. And for the fact her life had gone terribly wrong. So anyway, back to the whole mocking/taunting/ridiculing thing. The end result was to escape it, I had to eat lunch every single day while in the 5th grade with my teacher, Miss Smith. So maybe I was older when it happened... or it just never stopped. Anyway, my sister finally started washing my hair. Despite, this the making fun of me thing did go on for awhile. It all kind of merges together at this point. I do know elementary school was hell. Until I hit junior high and decided I would pretend to be happy. A skill that pops up only occasionally for me at this age. Damn it. Because it always works. People like happy people. As long as you're not so happy that people will do anything to make sure that you're not.

So. Thank GOD, my mother cared about teeth. Yesterday, I saw a friend who told me about his 23 year-old nephew whose teeth were messed up. When his nephew got off the plane, my friend saw him and was horrified. Why hadn't his sister ever taken her son to the dentist? My friend took his nephew there the next day. I can only imagine the dentist bill. When I was in the writer's room, there was a writer there-- he's now married-- quite happily and has perfect teeth-- but it wasn't always that way. Apparently, his parents were alcoholics and as he said it, "They had other fish to fry" when it came to things like dentists and basic hygiene. He never brushed his teeth. When his now wife met him, he had so much plaque on his teeth that he could barely close his mouth. She took him immediately to the dentist. They scraped off that plaque and guess what? Not a cavity in sight! How crazy is that? All they had to do was bleach his teeth-- which luckily for him were also completely straight since birth-- and he was good to go. My sister has tetracycline stains on her teeth which sucks -- you can't fix them with anything other than veneers. Which cost alot. I know, I researched it for her. I thought there had to be some way to get rid of that gray cast. That line. I mean, she has perfectly straight teeth-- what a shame. The Tetracylcine was for acne and she didn't know that was a side effect. Now the whole gray teeth thing? Me? I'd save up. I'd fix it. Yes, I'm that vain. Well, if I made money, I'd save up. Then again, I'm single. And 38. I don't have a lot going for me, so I kind of need good teeth. My sister? She kind of ignores it. Her husband says it costs too much money. We're different that way. I'm always trying to fix things that are broken. I don't know if that's such a good quality any more.

So my teeth? Used to be long and white and perfect. Pre-grinding. Now with allergies and stress and even with my nightguard and all, they're breaking in the back. Go figure. It seems I have ground the shit out of two of my teeth. It's $350 to fix. Which I can't afford to do. The mere panic of it made me cancel my eye appointment which I had optimitically booked for tomorrow. I was hoping to finally get glasses. But those will be about $600 what with my nightmare vision and all. So instead, I just reordered a 3 month supply of my old contact lens prescription and taped my glasses a little bit tighter. And tried to think about my dental hygienist's comment, "Thank God for writers. Otherwise, what would I do before bed?" Well, I can think of a few things that would be more interesting than reading, but given where I'm at in my life, I understood what she was saying and appreciated it. Completely.