Everywhere I Look, There Are John's.

I can't figure it out. Why that name is following me around. Does that ever happen to you? One day, there are none. And then suddenly, you're surrounded by... John's?

At different times there have been Michael's and Robert's. Never George's or Dan's. There were a few Chris's, Jim's, Bill's, Eric's, David's and Matt's-- Okay. There were a lot of Matt's there for awhile... a few too many... and some even became a little-slash-a lot famous after they dumped me-slash-left me-slash I-left-them-- Oh come on. You know he left me. But it was okay. If I was funny, he had to be funnier. His name was Matthew. He was funnier.

Now, I'm surrounded by John's. Some version of a John is everywhere I look. And these John's? They're not going away. Or maybe I just don't let them. Because I like them there. And I try to get them to stay. What do I have to do to get them to stay?

Sure. They may not all be John. They're sometimes Jon or Jonathan. No Johnny's. That's not really my thing. Whether they call themselves that or not, I never do. I don't do "Johnny." I pretend that part of John's personality doesn't exist. Because I don't do Johnny any more than I do Stevie. And I know them both. Johnny is the kind of guy who gets away with stuff.

John is almost always the first name. Sometimes the middle. Not ever the last. Lately, it seems I'm either always liking a John or loving a John. Or a John becomes my friend. Or is a mentor. Or perhaps might be a total stranger who just appears out of nowhere. A John is never my enemy. Even when he hurts me. Or I hurt him. Have I ever hurt a John? Doubt it. I've definitely never hurt a Johnny. I don't think anyone could ever hurt a Johnny.

I get the Johns to read my writing. Or root for me. I try, at least. I get intrigued by John. I look for connections and meaning in the consistency of the name. A John here and a Jonathan there means...? Nothing whatsoever probably. Still... why are there so many John's? I think it's fate. Okay, it's probably not. Still, I have fun believing that's the case. It's always fun. To look for a John in my in-box. To flirt with a John or a Jonathan. Or even just have a dialogue with a John on the street. To say things I'm not supposed to to a Jonathan from my past. Like I'm on a playground or in a chat room or something. And at the end of the day, I like to say the name, John, to myself like it means something will happen with a John. Even if it never does.

My dad's middle name is John. That shouldn't be a good omen, though. In fact quite the opposite. These John's? They're nothing like him. They're nothing like each other, in fact. Each John is always different. Different looks. Different personalities. Different geography. Different roles and different ambitions. I like that. How two men with the same name name be so completely opposite. So diametrically opposed. One who breaks the law, one who upkeeps it. One who wears a suit and one who doesn't. As if a personality was really that easy to sum up-- as if there was a universal difference between a John and a Jonathan that we all could follow: "When speaking to a John use only verbs. Wear red." Even though in my experience, it feels like there is some kind of rule. But there can't be. Can there?

Oops, I think I scared one of the John's away. I wonder what name will be next? How about Patrick? I always liked the name Patrick.