MOVING ON.
For what started out as a disaster, the Pittsburgh portion ended up being a nice trip. I didn’t explore like I usually do. I was much too tired. I went to bed by 8:30 the first night there. I didn’t even have a glass of wine. Mainly because I was so far away from any normal restaurants. Well, what I consider normal. Non-college bars and non-chain restaurants. I couldn’t even find a place that sells wine. Because it’s sold in these special state run wine stores. I found beer. But I don’t like beer. I actually like wine. And it’s a histamine. It helps with the body aches. Pennsylvania is so green—and orange and yellow—it is fall, after all—that I have lots of body aches. I’m so burnt out, though. That I didn’t even go to buy Mucinex D. And that usually helps. There were also the issues with the funds from my reimbursement check being held. I had to call the bank and beg them to release at least $100 so I wouldn’t be humiliated by showing up to do a training without food. And with no explanation other than, “I don’t have the money.” They released $500 but it was a pain. A huge pain. Begging and pleading for what should have been in my account in the first place. I’m a little over the work. The effort. Of waiting for the check to arrive. Waiting for the check to clear. When it did I bought a new pair of underwear. I thought I deserved it. The pink pair has to go, I’m tired of them. So this is news—there’s no tax on panties in Pennsylvania. Nor on bras. I got two. I really need a purse. But that’s not a necessity and there’s only no tax on necessities. And I didn’t see any good purses anyway in PA. The best shopping is still in LA and NYC. And I’m going to NYC next week. I can’t wait. I only wish I had a few more days in between. I miss home. And it won’t be mine for much longer, so I would like to enjoy it while I can.
Other than the time spent with my cousin and his family, this trip on the whole has been a debacle. Through and through. Although the Sephora-ites at Ross Park and Shadyside, were quite sweet and complimentary and even fun. We exchanged numbers. I have lots of numbers. From people all over the country. It should be interesting to see if any of us actually ever use them. The people I met were a bright spot. But my sense of adventure has left the building. I did eat out one night. I went online and discovered one of the Top 10 hotspots-- Soba. That’s the place in this photo. It seemed cool enough. The kind of place where you can order an appetizer and a glass of wine and talk to interesting people. But not so much. The martini was not dirty no matter how many times I asked the bartender to dirty it up-- it was kind of watery really-- and the tuna tartare came without wonton chips. So I left hungry and bought that smart corn stuff on the way back to the hotel. I did talk to a bunch of women at the bar but there were no men to be had. Well, there were in Danbury. But that’s another story. And after that— I’m thinking women are safer. A lot of wrong men don’t make one that’s right. Rather, they make for some dark times. If only they did make a right... I would be living the life of my dreams. And that’s just it. Right now, they’re all just dreams. The things I want. They’re the same dreams I’ve had pretty much forever. They’ve never changed. Only my distance from them has. So I’ve made some decisions. I know what I need to write. I know what I want to write. And I feel certain that me writing those things is the only way my life is going to get better, move forward and be what I want it to be. So I’ve decided to throw my ego to the wind, can my rescue fantasies and desire for a family (for now), toss my things in storage, and do the one thing I’ve been avoiding for the last five years. The one thing I gave everything I had just so it wouldn’t happen. I’m going to move in with my mom.
It won’t be for long. (I’m thinking until my 39th birthday. Yes. 39th). It’s not going to be easy. My mom’s place is smaller than the place I’m living in now. She doesn’t want me to bring the cats. She only has a carport. No garage. I’ll have no friends close by. And unlike my trips—which are ending next month—there aren’t a lot of places to explore in sunny Cypress, CA. There is no Whole Foods or Trader Joes. No Runyon Canyon to hike. No yoga studio. No cable TV or wireless internet. I won’t be able to do shop walks—because there are no shops. There are none of the things I consider the comforts of home. At least not the home I created for myself. But it’s got to happen. It’s my last ditch effort to save my life. No one else is going to do it for me. And to be honest, I don’t even know if I can do it for myself. But I’m going to try. It’s yet one more thing on the list of things I’m going to try. I only hope it works. Because if it doesn’t? I can’t even go there. Going home is hard enough.
Other than the time spent with my cousin and his family, this trip on the whole has been a debacle. Through and through. Although the Sephora-ites at Ross Park and Shadyside, were quite sweet and complimentary and even fun. We exchanged numbers. I have lots of numbers. From people all over the country. It should be interesting to see if any of us actually ever use them. The people I met were a bright spot. But my sense of adventure has left the building. I did eat out one night. I went online and discovered one of the Top 10 hotspots-- Soba. That’s the place in this photo. It seemed cool enough. The kind of place where you can order an appetizer and a glass of wine and talk to interesting people. But not so much. The martini was not dirty no matter how many times I asked the bartender to dirty it up-- it was kind of watery really-- and the tuna tartare came without wonton chips. So I left hungry and bought that smart corn stuff on the way back to the hotel. I did talk to a bunch of women at the bar but there were no men to be had. Well, there were in Danbury. But that’s another story. And after that— I’m thinking women are safer. A lot of wrong men don’t make one that’s right. Rather, they make for some dark times. If only they did make a right... I would be living the life of my dreams. And that’s just it. Right now, they’re all just dreams. The things I want. They’re the same dreams I’ve had pretty much forever. They’ve never changed. Only my distance from them has. So I’ve made some decisions. I know what I need to write. I know what I want to write. And I feel certain that me writing those things is the only way my life is going to get better, move forward and be what I want it to be. So I’ve decided to throw my ego to the wind, can my rescue fantasies and desire for a family (for now), toss my things in storage, and do the one thing I’ve been avoiding for the last five years. The one thing I gave everything I had just so it wouldn’t happen. I’m going to move in with my mom.
It won’t be for long. (I’m thinking until my 39th birthday. Yes. 39th). It’s not going to be easy. My mom’s place is smaller than the place I’m living in now. She doesn’t want me to bring the cats. She only has a carport. No garage. I’ll have no friends close by. And unlike my trips—which are ending next month—there aren’t a lot of places to explore in sunny Cypress, CA. There is no Whole Foods or Trader Joes. No Runyon Canyon to hike. No yoga studio. No cable TV or wireless internet. I won’t be able to do shop walks—because there are no shops. There are none of the things I consider the comforts of home. At least not the home I created for myself. But it’s got to happen. It’s my last ditch effort to save my life. No one else is going to do it for me. And to be honest, I don’t even know if I can do it for myself. But I’m going to try. It’s yet one more thing on the list of things I’m going to try. I only hope it works. Because if it doesn’t? I can’t even go there. Going home is hard enough.
posted by jodypwrites | 12:58 PM
1 Comments:
Moving back home to regroup and re-energize is nothing to be ashamed of. Look at it as a fresh start, a well-needed rest from constant bills that are like a cancer, draining all of your energy, physical and creative. This respite from all of that could be just what you need. A fresh start, a clean slate and the chance to really go after what is important to you. I wish you the very best of luck!
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