Unconditional Love
John McQ says this alot to me. This "you have to be happy first before you can be loved" thing. But I think a few things about that. One, I am a happy person. Who is going through a tough time. As my friend Diane said, "I'm a pleasure to be around." I do not carry sadness everywhere I go on a daily basis. I am out there thinking, trying and fighting to make things work in my life. And I have a happy approach 99.9% of the time. I think the majority of my friends would agree. But some days are bad. Or stressful. Other days, I'm not happy or unhappy per se, I'm just getting by. And other times, I cry. That's called being human.
What I'm not happy about is where my career is at. Where my love life is at. I want a family. And where happiness can perhaps come from believing those things will happen for you. Sadness comes as time passes and those things have not worked out how you'd like them to. I am sad about that. But that does not make me a sad person. I have many friends in my life who see this. And know this. Love may not fill a hole completely but not having it or having felt it can create one.
I have loved people and wanted them to be happy because I cared about them and their happiness makes me happy. That's not the only thing that makes me happy but it's one thing that contributes. That's what parents should want for their children. Friends, family, husbands and wives. I've loved people who aren't happy all the time. Who maybe didn't love themselves all the time. I think that's called unconditional love. I don't believe that every person who is in love or in a loving relationship appeared not to need it or was 100% happy before it happened. Sometimes, love can be that missing piece that makes everything click into place. There are different kinds of love. I believe in this kind.
I could sit here and work on myself until I'm dead. In fact, I probably will. But it's not so I can be something so that someone else will love me. I think that's ludicrous. Love happens, I feel for many different reasons. Sure, I probably wasn't ready before. I probably had to learn certain things. Go through certain things. Believe I deserved better-- better treatment, more respect and care than I'd come to expect from relationships. So when I say I want someone to say they love me and want me to be happy, I think that's not too much to ask. That it's a legitimate thing to want. I'm not asking someone to provide happiness for me. Just contribute to it. Not to give me a reason to love myself. But show me that they love me. Just the way I am.
What I'm not happy about is where my career is at. Where my love life is at. I want a family. And where happiness can perhaps come from believing those things will happen for you. Sadness comes as time passes and those things have not worked out how you'd like them to. I am sad about that. But that does not make me a sad person. I have many friends in my life who see this. And know this. Love may not fill a hole completely but not having it or having felt it can create one.
I have loved people and wanted them to be happy because I cared about them and their happiness makes me happy. That's not the only thing that makes me happy but it's one thing that contributes. That's what parents should want for their children. Friends, family, husbands and wives. I've loved people who aren't happy all the time. Who maybe didn't love themselves all the time. I think that's called unconditional love. I don't believe that every person who is in love or in a loving relationship appeared not to need it or was 100% happy before it happened. Sometimes, love can be that missing piece that makes everything click into place. There are different kinds of love. I believe in this kind.
I could sit here and work on myself until I'm dead. In fact, I probably will. But it's not so I can be something so that someone else will love me. I think that's ludicrous. Love happens, I feel for many different reasons. Sure, I probably wasn't ready before. I probably had to learn certain things. Go through certain things. Believe I deserved better-- better treatment, more respect and care than I'd come to expect from relationships. So when I say I want someone to say they love me and want me to be happy, I think that's not too much to ask. That it's a legitimate thing to want. I'm not asking someone to provide happiness for me. Just contribute to it. Not to give me a reason to love myself. But show me that they love me. Just the way I am.
posted by jodypwrites | 11:35 AM
2 Comments:
I totally understand Jody...of course we all have to be happy with ourselves in order to be available for a healthy relationship..but what the hell is healthy anyhow? :) I'm so messed up so I better not comment anymore.
I'm relieved to read that you're happier than you often appear to be on these pages.
I should know from my own habits that people tend to write when they're emotionally agitated. Feelings overflow and spill onto pages. Anything to get them out of our heads. Then someone stumbles across them and thinks that's all we are: Miserable, self-loathing nutcases.
I do believe that generally if you're not happy with what you've got you won't be happy with what you'll get. And that you have to love yourself before someone else will.
But the distinction between being happy by yourself and being happy with yourself is probably too subtle to express anywhere outside my own head. Perhaps things will work out that we get to meet and I can try to explain it in person. Maybe I'll do a better job of it then.
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